Did I Love You Enough Today?

My one year old woke up at midnight last night.

He was crying for “umma” (Korean for mama), as he always does when he wakes in the middle of the night.

As he lay on my chest, I could feel his tiny breaths on the fold of my arm. Breathing in and out, so rhythmically that it almost put me to sleep. And in that instant of groggy, tired mama moments, feeling so needed by this tiny being, I was overwhelmed with a wave of mom guilt.

Did you love him enough today?

I’ve been in this vicious cycle of working, parenting, blogging, (sort of) housekeeping, (sort of) sleeping. It’s the same chaotic routine on repeat all day, every day. Each day goes by all too quickly before I even know where the time has gone. And I’m so caught up in my never ending to do list that I end up asking myself the same thing every night.

Did you love them enough today?

The bad moments are so easy to remember. I yelled at the Threenager too much today. I pulled out non edible objects out of the baby’s mouth too many times today. I spent more time staring at the computer screen than I did looking into my kids’ faces today. I got tired of hearing the whining and crying today.

But, did you love them enough today?

I don’t know that there will ever be a day that I don’t ask myself that same question. Even on the most perfect days, I’ll always wonder if I gave them my best.

But, I guess that’s just the way of a mama’s heart.

Even when you think you love your littles so much; so much more than you ever fathomed possible, you’ll still wonder in silence.

Did I love you enough today?

Because all you want is to love them more, to give them more, to do everything more than you already do. Because it never seems like enough.

Even on the days when you’re exhausted in every way possible. You always want to give more of yourself to those tiny beings. Your heart(s) walking outside of your body.

In that constant and persistent wonder and need to love them more, is the answer.

Yes, you did love them enough today.



30 thoughts on “Did I Love You Enough Today?

  1. Annie

    I feel this way every single day, especially the “staring at the screen more than their faces” I beat myself up over it all the time. Loved this post!

  2. Alina

    You wrote this for me :(. I feel this way many times during the week and each night I promise myself I’ll do better next day. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. All I can do is to keep trying. Thank you for sharing.

  3. Christine - The Choosy Mommy

    There are some days that I feel the same as you, especially as a work at home mom. I spend a lot of time within arms reach of my phone/computer so I can get stuff done, yet still deal with kids. I decided this morning there would be no TV, no computer, no phone and that we would just play all morning (especially since it is a rainy day). And we did. And now my 4 year old is at preschool and the 1 year old is napping. Bliss!

  4. Jenni Laplow

    So sweet! I have a lot of those same feelings and thoughts about my daughter. I have to remind myself YES! and sometimes take a step back to treasure that very moment. You’re doing great, Momma!

  5. Carolyn

    Yes, I feel so torn lately with all the things I need and want to get done. I need to make sure I focus on the real priorities, my family and kids. Thanks

  6. Amanda

    I really needed this reminder!! I feel this way too often throughout the day. It’s easy to feel guilty when we don’t devote 100% of our attention to our babes. But, that doesn’t mean we don’t love them enough!

  7. Samantha Kuzyk

    Great post! I can totally relate! I always feel guilty when I do stuff that takes time away from the kids,but then I remind myself that I need time to myself too, and in the end that it makes me a better mom!

  8. Jennifer Hamra

    Oh I love this!! And I can SO relate to everything you wrote here. I’ve been reminding myself to remember these moments with my littles are precious and they won’t be little for long. Beautiful post!

  9. Sheila

    Oh man, this is exactly how I feel so many days! Sometimes the days go so fast I can’t even remember what happened that morning. I love that I can stay home with my baby and I don’t want to miss a second of him growing up, but it is hard! So many days I feel like I didn’t do enough. Thank you for writing this!

  10. Amber Starr

    I feel this way so often too! Sometimes I just feel so overwhelmed with everything that i need to do, especially with two little ones, that the day flies by and I feel this guilt at night. Beautiful post!

  11. Maggie

    This is so sweet! I have those feelings often too. My husband is a firefighter and is away from home a lot, and often on a very unusual, unpredictable schedule and pulled away abruptly for emergencies. I get overwhelmed with work, housework, and you know life and often wonder if I have been what they need. And the truth is, the very fact that we worry about that means we are doing something right! Thank you so much for sharing this!

  12. Luz

    I completely understand you. Some nights after my little one is asleep I start to miss him & I regret having spent time away from him or having been on my phone one more minute than I should have.

  13. Rebekah @ Surviving Toddlerhood

    Aww! Such a good reminder. I seem to push my boys away lately because I feel like I have things that I NEED to get done. When in reality what I really NEED to do is to show them that I love and care about them by spending time with them. Thanks for this encouragement to treasure the time and show love.

  14. Alexie

    mama this post was beautiful and I can SO relate. I feel like i’m always doubting myself as a mom and feel like i’m not doing enough. This is so important! Loved it!

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  16. Jenna

    Beautifully written mama. I hear you. I’m in the same never ending cycle. But we are doing the best we can to love our littles and let them know. This was a wonderful reminder of that.


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